


deeper than the sea

by aisle_one



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2014-01-14
Packaged: 2018-01-08 16:40:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1135002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aisle_one/pseuds/aisle_one
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I was saying - I never thought it'd be possible to stop loving someone. It <i>does</i> happen."</p><p>_____</p>
            </blockquote>





	deeper than the sea

"I never thought it possible," Charles said, staring out at the ocean, a quiet, pensive look on his face. 

"What?" Erik asked.

Charles shook his head. He gave Erik a quick, fleeting smile. "Sorry. I still forget sometimes, that you can't hear me."

Then, Erik might have stiffened from the comment, felt slighted by it. But Charles was shaven, hair shorter and more kempt than when they were younger, appearing rested and like himself, except he possessed no traces of entitlement, as if they had been sloughed from a scrubbing.

"I was saying - I never thought it'd be possible to stop loving someone. It _does_ happen."

Erik felt a great weight descend on his chest and he found it suddenly hard to breathe. "Oh?"

Charles nodded, eyes steady on the horizon, blue on blue echoing to each other. "You're not even aware of it. It seems so sudden, when the realization hits, when there's just...nothing. Of course it's gradual, but the ache persists, doesn't it? For so long and so sharply, feeling as if something - someone - so vital is missing, how near they feel in memory, how consuming their absence, and how the mind stays locked in time, in the past, determined to keep that person relevant. Real. It comes - oh!"

The tide swooped in aggressively and Charles skidded back, startled, causing the throw on his lap to catch in the wheels of his chair. "Oh, bugger," he said, as it fell in a heap, too far from his reach. 

"Darling - " Charles, bent at the waist, peered up at him through his lashes and Erik's heart seized " - could you?" 

Erik picked up the throw, shook out the sand, and neatly laid it on Charles's lap, tucking the sides to keep it in place. "Stay," Erik said, shaking a finger at it.

"You're very good at directing," Charles remarked. "I'm certain it'll listen to you."

"Some things are more prone to listening."

Charles laughed. "I think that might have been a jab, but I'm going to ignore it."

"Hmmm, wisdom does come with age," Erik said. He settled back on his elbows. "This...meditation, this falling out of love, you speak from experience." It was easier to say it like that, to conclude it as a fact, to assume consequence rather than hope. It was an experience in discipline that wasn't foreign to Erik. Nevertheless, he couldn't manage to detach, and he braced for Charles's confirmation, his heels gouged in the sand, nails biting into the soft flesh of his palms.

"I do. And it came as a surprise, how rather conclusive it was. And matter-of-fact. Done, I felt, irrevocably, and with no sense of relief. I didn't need it. Hate truly isn't the opposite, you know. It's indifference. It's utter lack of investment. I'd attempt to coax something, anything, a care that felt more than removed. But she - "

"She?" Erik interrupted.

"Yes, Moira."

And it was instantaneous, how Erik's world realigned itself, how _his_ relief sucked the weight from his lungs and left him feeling buoyant. 

"She has almost ceased existing. For me, at least. The only lingering imprint of her like a figment from a dream. I am fond of her, of course, as I am for a distant relative. But it's strange, isn't it?"

Erik nodded, though hardly from experience. He had only ever loved one person and couldn't imagine it any other way, himself without. Erik laid his hand over one of Charles's and squeezed. Compelled by a foolish need, he asked, "What about us? Do you feel the same?"

Charles stared at their hands, strong and matured. He shook his head minutely and in a small voice said, "No."


End file.
